I’m with B of A now…

About a year ago, having a little extra cash in my account, I took the advice of a friend and contacted her investment advisor at Merrill Lynch. Nice guy, family man, out of Colorado — I decided I’d entrust him with a part of my savings. He suggested I start out with one good lump of cash (I’ll plead the fifth on how good) and then add a little every month. So I sent him about 1/4 of my life savings.

Pretty much as soon as my check cleared the stock market mishegas began. At first I thought it was just a fluke, but when it seemed to be getting a bit serious I called him, worried. He chuckled and said it was nothing — a minor adjustment. Just what happens. Try not to worry so much, you’re in it for the long haul — that kind of thing.

A few more months went by. Per his original suggestion, I added money to my original lump via direct deposit every month. As things got worse in the market, though, it started to feel like trying to stop a leak with water. I e-mailed my broker and told him I thought we should halt the monthly deposits until things calmed down a bit. He wrote back and said he would do what I asked, but “historically these are very good times to buy in to the market;” and he’d hate to see me miss out on a “fire sale.” I gritted my teeth and allowed the deposits to continue.

A couple more months passed — the stock market went into full descent. This is clearly no anomaly. Runs on banks, consumer panic, historic losses. I am no exception. I am 20% down from when I started. I write my guy and tell him to sell everything, and send me back what’s left. He responds via e-mail

If this is truly what you want to do, I can make this happen. Remember,
you only “lost” money if you pull it. You are holding fluid investments
and the value is always floating. When there is blood in the streets,
that is when you have to have to courage to buy or at least stay-in. I
KNOW it is tough, but that is how the pros make money in the market.

Thanks,
XXXX

Yikes. He’s good. I ask my then-fiancee what he thinks. Mike agrees that “buy high, sell low” doesn’t sound like a formula for success in the world of money. Fine. I write XXX that I will keep my money in the market, but, feeling that I must protect myself at least a little, insist that my monthly deposits now go into a more secure money market account. My advisor says fine. He reminds me to take deep breaths.

A few months more. I am breathing. I am breathing. There are rumors of Merrill Lynch’s collapse. I send a brief e-mail:

—–Original Message—–
From: J Goldbrick [mailto:daughterofgoldbrick@earthlink.net]
Sent: Thursday, July 17, 2008 1:04 PM
To: xxxxxxxxx
Subject: question

XXXXX,

Just wanted to make sure my monthly deposits are going to keep going
into a money market account and not the stock market, right? Also, is
that money (in the MM account) insured in any way?

Thanks,

me

P.S. Not to be morbid, but you guys aren’t going to go bust, are you?

His response is this:

Yes, although I would strongly recommend you invest into the market at
these depressed levels, your monthly deposits are staying in money
market.

Yes, your accounts are protected up to $250k.

No, I don’t think we are going to be just fine (but a very fair
question). Our stock was up 13% yesterday, and so far today it is up
over 9% today. Considering we are going to be announcing some
write-offs at market close today, the street still thinks very highly of
our stock.

I hope you are doing well.

xxxxx

I immediately write him back to point out his Freudian slip. His response:

My hands are shaking so much, must be the nerves…(smile).

Take care,
xxxxx

Fast forward to the present. Rumors of Lehman’s failure. Washington Mutual’s. Merrill’s, too. I write XXXX :

From: J Goldbrick [mailto:daughterofgoldbroick@earthlink.net]
Sent: Monday, September 15, 2008 11:29 AM
To: xxxxxxxx
Subject: Re: Monthly Word – Sept 2008

XXXX,

Do I need to be worried? Am I going to lose all my money because of what’s going on with you guys?

In the car running errands, I hear that Merrill Lynch has been taken over by B of A.

I return home and write again. What’s up? I ask. What does this mean? Are you freaking out? Should I be?

Moments later I receive the following e-mail:

Actually the news is being received very favorably here at Merrill Lynch. Personally, I am very encouraged. Bank of America is the number 1 bank in the US, and adding Merrill Lynch’s financial advisors (which the CEO of BofA refers to as “the crown jewel of the investment advisory world”), is going to be a very powerful combination.

All client assets (your accounts) are segregated from the firm’s (all investment houses are required to do this). We sold ourselves to BofA for $50Billion, obviously they thought enough to offer $29/share compared to Lehman Brothers which a year ago was trading at $60/share and today is trading at 18 cents/share.

Your money has always been safe, and Merrill Lynch is much stronger than it was last week.

Take care,
xxx

My conclusion: my broker has missed his calling. He should be in politics. As for me, there’s a sucker born every minute, and I’m clearly no exception to the rule. I’m with B of A now.

Breath in, breath out…